Entry 15

     I sat there in my chair staring at my computer monitor. About a page of material had been written and my eyes were starting to hurt. The beginnings of a headache began to manifest itself in my head. The light from the monitor didn't help the situation.
     After turning off the computer, I leaned back and stared at the ceiling. I quickly began to see patterns form on the textured surface. My mind subconsciously played connect-the-dots: letters appeared, flashing in and out of existence.
     I closed my eyes.
     “Clear my mind,” I thought as I remembered what Christine had said.
     I tried to clear my mind of all thoughts, but it was no use. Even with my eyes closed, I saw flashes of letters appear and disappear quickly, and I couldn't help but try to keep them visible for as long as possible.
Eventually, after focusing for a long time, the letters became more stable. The noise behind the letters disappeared. I could start making out sets of letters and eventually complete words. However, I couldn't make out any clear connection between the words – the, this, her, paint, green, world, flash.
     I felt like opening my eyes, but I willed myself to keep them closed to continue. The words began appearing together. This world. No more. The end. I continued concentrating on forcing the words to stay as long as possible. I no longer noticed my headache, or that my eyes hurt: my whole being was focused on these closed eye hallucinations. I wanted to see a sentence. I wanted to know why I was seeing these words. What connection did these words have.
     I sat for what seemed like an eternity; the words making longer impressions. Finally, I saw a sentence form, a small message from my subconscious self.
     This world was not meant for you.

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